The minute I left the house sans makeup yesterday, my innocent Sunday morning bagel mission was rudely interrupted by more than one random stranger asking if I was feeling ok, and I definitely heard a pottery old lady coo that “you need more iron in your diet girl.” Tis this not the season to be jolly!? But seriously, whenever I forgo my usual makeup routine (like, everyday) birds will abruptly take flight, leaving newborns abandoned in nests, and homeless men will shy away when I drop them a fiver.
Conversely, if your eyeliner is that one millimetre too thick, some prig who considers themselves adequately learned in the proper execution of the cateye, will banish you from department store makeup counters and hand you a lengthy sentence of isolated exfoliating, toning and moisturising. Too much visible makeup and our game is up, the secret is out, the can of worms open. I’m notoriously lazy among my friends for having a pretty poor self-maintenance regime. Please, don’t confuse this for personal hygiene standards, because I definitely/sometimes shower everyday and always brush my teeth 80 per cent of the time. But of a morning, I am lucky to leave the house wearing BB cream and regularly subscribe to obnoxiously bright lipstick that detracts from my unkempt hair and wildly rebellious eyebrows.
Making a choice to not wear (or wear) makeup – whether it’s because your deft lipstick swipe leaves you looking like a sad clown, or you think society can mind its own goddamn business – is a totally personal decision that everyone seems to think they have a right to comment on. This damned if you do, damned if you don't attitude has spawned the popular ‘no makeup makeup’ look - a precarious balance where too much screams “have sex with me now” and too little means you’re a stinky hippy. A woman’s makeup is 'meant' to form a near invisible layer, enhancing some features, masking others, resulting in an effortlessly natural veil. The kind of, “oh I just woke up like this,” illusion. Of course, months into any new relationship and a man will inevitably burst in on you mid routine, brush in hand, war-paint-like smears of foundation glistening across your cheeks. And oh the disbelief, the anger, the injustice! Those gorgeous doe eyes and perfectly arched brows he fell for were all a lie, told with a meticulous lick of white eyeliner and a careful smear of nude beige lip gloss. “You tricked me,” he will exclaim. “The mystery of the feminine has been solved! What else have you lied about? You probably crack beer bottles in your teeth and do noisy farts in public too!” I think men in particularly view makeup much like they view our periods and our mysteriously symmetrical bikini lines – something unspoken that should remain behind closed doors.
Regardless of not caring what other people think (blah, blah, blah), eating foods that love your skin definitely won’t do any harm. Instead of dwelling on makeup politics, I choose to eat these naturally skin-enhancing balls of joy, full of coconut and antioxidant-rich cacao. Regardless of personal skin fundamentals though, the next time you prepare to face the day, I suggest you stuff one of these babies in your mouth, pick up your nearest neon shimmer eyeliner and scrawl a big “there ain’t nothing here for you,” on your forehead.
- 1 cup dates
- 1 + ¾ cup coconut oil
- 2 cups fresh pitted cherries
- 1 cup desiccated coconut
- 1 cup almond meal
- 1 teaspoon almond essence
- 1 teaspoon vanilla bean extract
- 1 cup cacao
- ½ cup cacao nibs
- In a food processor, combine dates, 1 cup coconut oil, cherries, almond meal, coconut, almond essence and vanilla bean extract.
- Shape mixture into balls and place gently on a large tray. Put in the freezer for ten minutes or until the coconut oil has hardened.
- Meanwhile, combine remaining coconut oil, cacao and cacao nibs in the food processor until mixture is thick, but runny. You could definitely add maple syrup or coconut sugar here, but I found the inside was sweet enough!
- Coat each of the cherry ripe balls in the chocolate mix and then place back on a tray and into the freezer. Ensure they remain stored in the freezer!