Our planet is rife with culinary warfare and no one even seems to care. It truly is getting so bad that I am tempted to flee to a deserted island - where I can cook and eat whatever I want on my whale-power-generated hotplate – far from societal stigmatism. In Australia we now have more food groupies – paleo, vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, lactose-free etc – than we do political parties. Both equally unhinged, and both incessantly shoving their exhausted propaganda in your face.
But this national food fight gets people so riled up you’d be forgiven to think they’d all simultaneously shredded their birth certificates by accident – not just found it kiiiinnnnd of offensive that nothing exists on a menu sans animal. One of my pet hates is going out to a meal with one of these die-hard food groupies and them trying to force a cave-man style hunk of sustainably-farmed offal at me. You have no idea what you’re missing out on, they coo. Delicious and good for the planet.
No, I don’t know what I’m missing out on. I am all for sustainable food, but even the thought of seared pigs ears makes me want to projectile puke all over you, so if you don’t mind, I’ll stick to the breadbasket thanks.
I don’t want you to think I’m super fussy or anything. I have eaten cocoa and coffee braised pigeon while drunk in Vietnam that was so raw I thought it might fly off my plate. I have downed crumbed haggis bites in Scotland, slurped this weird pig’s trotters soup in Poland and eaten myriad types of raw seafood. Not to mention I survived an entire year on British food… shudder.
My mouth is like your regular Noah’s Ark – all welcome aboard. Except that I am not saving the animals, I am eating them. I really believe food is all about trial and error, aka: knowledge and consequence. It is what stops me drinking abandoned half finished beers in bars to save money. (This may or may not be a lie to make you think I’m a stand-up citizen). I don’t really eat much meat now though, because it’s bad for the planet, and the thought of eating dead flesh makes me queasy.
One thing we can all agree on though, well all bar the actually/conceptually gluten-intolerant, is pasta. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who is like no way man, I hate pasta. It is amazing that something that is basically cooked play-doh, is so universally loved.
But not all pastas are created equal. Take the twirly spirally one for example – you can eat it with a fork alone, it’s uneven surface area means it rarely sticks together and all of the gaps allow for even distribution of almost any sauce. Now compare that to pasta shells – the stubbed toes of the pasta world. Every time you cook them, they will stick together without fail – sometimes 10 shells deep – like rebellious little babushka dolls. Except babushka dolls don’t blister your fingers when you try and pull them apart.
The clear winner though, is most definitely ravioli – the pasta that holds exactly what you want inside it! Like a little caramel filled Easter egg. It may be a tad antisocial, but with this ‘Fried salmon and pea ravioli for one’ recipe, food feuds really can be a thing of your past(a).
- ½ cup fresh cooked salmon (you could use a tin, but I am way too delicate for that)
- 2 tablespoons green peas
- 2 tablespoons sour cream
- 1 teaspoon horseradish
- 1 teaspoon mustard
- 2 tablespoons lemon juice
- Salt + pepper
- ½ cup white flour
- 1 small egg
- Combine salmon, sour cream, horseradish, mustard, lemon juice and salt + pepper in a food processor (by hand is fine too) and set aside.
- In a food processor, bring flour and egg together until it forms a kind of breadcrumb texture. Kneed it together on a floured surface.
- Roll dough out as thin as you can get it and cut out even sized circles using cookie cutters.
- Place a dollop of the salmon mixture in the centre of one, and kind of gently stretch another circle over the top of the mixture, pressing down edges with a fork.
- Once you have used all your dough, boil ravioli. When they float to the top they are done.
- Strain the ravioli and fry them in olive oil until golden brown. Serve with lemon and topped with Parmesan.