Looking back – something one must be careful doing should they metaphorically walk into a hard truth – I have realised that most of my life’s inadequacies funnel down into my inability to value quality over quantity. This refusal to accept the merit in foresight and thoughtful hard-work, spawns from a hyper-impatient personality, some lucky breaks and a cornucopia of rubbish chocolate. Every Easter my Grandparents would shower my brother and I in no-brand chocolate - the kind that tastes like metal. And did we care? No way! We had more than all the other kids and a sugar rush is a sugar rush. When I was old enough to be sucked into the vacuous crevasse that is modern capitalism – I started demanding reimbursement for the chores my parents got me to do. I would get a fiver each week if I did the dishes, swept out the garage and fed the dog.
One day though, I was brandishing all my money in my brother’s face when I gesticulated too wildly and caught one of my hard-earned notes in the fan. To my dismay, it tore into about five pieces. I haphazardly taped it back together and my school tuckshop happily exchanged it for some hot chips the following day. I see now that this was a critical missed opportunity for the universe to teach me a lesson. Instead, I continued to believe that it didn't really matter what condition your money was in – so long as you had a stack of it. Of late though, this mindset has got me into a bit of trouble. I rarely filter my brain activity in time to stop it catastrophically spewing forth from my mouth and impregnating the air with gibberish. As a young professional trying to form a serious career for oneself – I understand the destruction this behaviour leaves in its wake.
My only attempt at self-improvement so far has been to leave myself a bunch of passive aggressive sticky notes around my house, in my car, on my computer screen etc. But an angry little fluorescent bit of paper with “THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, ALI” written on it, just rouses my inner recalcitrant and I tend to ignore it/tear it into a million confetti-sized pieces. I know deep down that if I stopped trying to train myself like a big blubbery circus seal and instead had a serious think about why this was important to me, I may actually start seeing some results. When this said metaphorical seal manifests itself as your inner monologue, slimy raw squid rewards provide little enticement. This kind of all or nothing behaviour has crept into my eating habits also – to the point where if I don’t act fast I will actually start to resemble a seal. Until I figure out a more effective permanent solution, I have just decided to bake things – like these Middle-Eastern apricot, tahini & rosewater biscuits - that are so healthy it doesn’t matter if I eat a million.
Now, where did I leave that raw squid?
- 1 cup dried Middle-Eastern apricots, soaked in boiling water until soft
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla bean extract
- ½ cup tahini
- ½ cup agave, honey, pure maple or molasses
- 2 tablespoons fresh ground ginger
- 1 tablespoon rosewater
- 2 cups stoneground wholemeal spelt flour
- In a food processor, combine softened apricots, egg, vanilla, tahini, rosewater, ginger and honey until smooth.
- Transfer to a bowl and stir in flour.
- Kneed into a ball on a floured surface and allow to chill in the fridge for about an hour.
- Roll out on a floured surface, cut into shapes and bake in a moderate oven for about 20 minutes.