Tis the season for smug couples galore. Sure, that is probably not the next smashing title of a Mills & Boon bestseller, but seriously, peachy pairs are EVERWHERE.
I realised I am the ninth wheel of my friend group on the weekend. Four happy pairs, and me. A beautifully asymmetric enneagon. This painful realisation was glaringly obvious at our latest pool party, cosy couples and sodden smooches galore. Unwieldy floatation device for one?
And it’s not just pool parties where they will obnoxiously shove their insufferable togetherness down your gullet, like a mummy bird with a big fat, suffocating worm.
They’re out purposefully spoiling every rom com that ever aired at your local cinema, silhouettes of intimate popcorn feeding dancing tauntingly across the screen. They need to go and get a room. A room full of rotting onions, broken glass and heavily pregnant boa constrictors. That’ll learn ‘em.
When on and off-screen couples unite, the exponential purporting of peachy pairs is inevitable. Why can’t script writers throw us a bone and concoct a few new role models? They could pen something like ‘Single Forever,’ or ‘Family Affair’- a documentary style film set on a genetically isolated island of sex-addicted cannibals.
The moment you wake up and reach for your phone, obligatory Facebook check imminent, there they are en masse, leering. The guy you went on a casual Tinder date with mere days earlier, mysteriously “in a relationship” with Boring Boreface,* accompanied by a cute pictorial of them gazing lovingly at one another across a neglected melting gelato.
*Pseudonym used for the sake of anonymity
You have to hand it to them though, day in, day out, walking the streets flogging their loved up way of life to us last remaining singletons, sporting matching band shits, joint-custody poochy pal at the helm – that kind of smug euphoria can’t be easy. But still, did the residual finger-snapping independent singles die out with the last Sex and the City episode?
Instead of continuing my peachy pair smack talk, I have decided to smoosh my angsty feelings into this delicious peach, pear and almond cake with whipped vanilla and lemon ricotta. Have it for breakfast and I promise your bitter loneliness will transfigure into sunshine and butterflies.
- 2 cups oat flour (ground oats)
- ¾ cup almond meal or lsa
- 3 heaped teaspoons baking powder
- 1 ½ cups peach and pear stewed until soft in cinnamon, nutmeg, a pinch of ginger and vanilla bean paste
- 2 large free range eggs
- ½ cup coconut oil
- 1 large teaspoon vanilla bean extract
- Juice of ½ lemon (or more to taste) + finely grated rind
- 250g of fresh ricotta
- Honey + roasted and chopped almonds to serve
- Combine dry ingredients in one bowl.
- Once stewed fruit has cooled, combine with eggs, coconut oil and apple cider vinegar.
- Pour batter into an oiled or lined cake tin and bake until golden on top and springy to touch.
- In a food processor, combine ricotta, lemon juice, rind and vanilla bean extract/paste until smooth and fluffy.
- Serve cake fresh out of the oven topped with a dollop of ricotta mix, a drizzle of honey and a handful of chopped roasted almonds.